Friday, April 25, 2008
Divorce
Recently divorced and have my kids every other weekend and need any help or suggestions on how to deal with issues with the kids, being with their mom fulltime in how to deal with the kids when i have them. It seems like i have to compete with what mom does for them. Seems like she is spoiling them and with child support and all it is hard for me to compete. With trips that she takes them on and them getting older and wanting to be with their freinds even though they only see dad every other weekend. (from an email)
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When I was divorced, I faced the exact same issue. I had NO money and felt inadequate to spend time with my daughters (3 and 6). I realized though that what they wanted was quality time with me--not expensive shows and trips. So we went to parks, flea markets--anything that was free, took some frisbees or balls and had a blast!
ReplyDeleteThey say now that was some of our best times! Hang in there and go for quality time--forget about what their mom is doing or how much is spent on them. Long term, it doesn't matter.
thank you. i really appreciate the support.One other issue i have is even when i do have them and bring them to my daughters soccer game, my son tends to go sit with his mother. do you think that i should insist he sits with me or just let it go?
ReplyDeleteI would not make a big deal of it...the goal is harmony between you and your ex--even though you aren't feeling harmonius right now. You will be involved with her for a long time because of the children. More importantly, you want to create an environment in which the kids WANT to be with you because you are showing them love and respect. And when they are with you, resist badmouthing their mom--that will backfire in a hurry and hurt you and label you as uncaring and an ass.
ReplyDeleteKeeping an open relationship with your ex allows mutual swapping of duties, responsibilities, visits, etc. and that can be helpful to you when you have job demands, for example.
Jerry
I too am going through a divorce and I can honestly say that competing with you ex is not worth worrying about. I have custody every weekend and we try to spend time doing something they enjoy every day. For instance, every night, we have a custom of everyone bringing a favorite book and we each read a chapter (or a few pages depending on time), then we read a childrens devotional bible chapter before bed.
ReplyDeleteDon't fret about the ball game. When you are showing the kids love through attention and listening, they will naturally be drawn to you.
F-
Children spell love T-I-M-E. They need your time and affection, not your money or gifts. Enjoy them while you can!
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